Are You Often Under Pressure?

Understanding our Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous System

I am a driven person who has lived my whole life as if finals were around the corner, I was trying to lose twenty pounds, and I'm looking for a new job. Why do one thing when I can do twenty-six? So, I know a lot about the pressure I can put on myself on top of whatever is added by parents, friends, enemies, children, and the world. I know from pressure. 

Pressure like a cement brick on your chest. 

Pressure that makes your head feel like it is going to explore. 

Pressure that turns your stomach inside out and upside down. 

Pressure that makes your neck stiff. 

Pressure that makes your jaw immobile.  

Active Sympathetic Nervous System

Pressure is the feeling when our Sympathetic Nervous System is active, otherwise known as Flight or Fight mode. We are designed to spot and run from bears. We tend to be in this mode in any work situation or when we get anxious and reactive. Your heart rate increases, digestion slows, and muscles get ready for action. Many of my clients spend most of their day in Sympathetic mode.

Because I know from pressure, did I mention my decade of anxiety attacks that felt like heart attack symptoms because I was unconsciously hyperventilating? I got used to carrying around a brown bag so I could breathe into it. I needed to inhale carbon to make up for all the oxygen I was sucking in. 

Because I know from pressure myself, I have sought ways to relieve the stress. I was never particularly interested in pharmaceutical solutions. My instinct was that I'd be better off if I learned to ease the pressure myself. I've already had to quit alcohol because I liked it too much. I've known people addicted to pills. I've known people who have died of overdoses. I needed to find a different way.

So, what was I left with? Myself and how I respond. Myself and how I spend my time. Myself and what I think and do. Out of necessity, I have learned ways to relax, quiet my mind, learn to be kind to myself, sleep enough, eat enough and drink enough water, move enough, and find how to take care of myself. If we care for ourselves first and practice kindness to ourselves every day, if we become aware, we can be our best selves in the world. 

Welcoming Parasympathetic Nervous System

So, what is the opposite of our Sympathetic Nervous System? Our Parasympathetic Nervous System; rest and digest. We have a mode where we can relax, allow our heart rate to slow, our muscles to untense, and our digestion to activate. In my experience of the demands of modern living, entering Parasympathetic mode allows us to choose to calm.

What? How? Uh? 

Step by step. 

There are many ways and techniques. You'll find what works best for you.

I meditate. I sit for maybe only 10 minutes. I might sit for longer. At the start of my day, I find a comfortable place. I can look out at some specific trees I like in my room. Yes, I tend to leave my eyes open. I might close my eyes, but I like a form of meditation called Attention Meditation. I sit comfortably. Maybe my legs are crossed like you see people in yoga. Perhaps I'm in my favorite chair. Maybe my legs are out in front of me. Whatever makes me comfortable. Being comfortable comes first. I might set a timer, but I prefer not to unless I need to be somewhere at a specific time. It's nice to take the time I want to take that morning. I sit. I get quiet.

Come to stillness. I focus on my breathing. Feel my inhalations. Feel my exhalations. I invite my breathing to lengthen. So, if my inhalation takes one count and my exhalation one count, I can invite my breathing to extend to two counts. I like to get to about four counts. I find slowing my breathing that much automatically relaxes me. I've learned I relax even more if my exhales are longer. So maybe 4 in and 6 or 8 out. I sit. I get quiet. Come to stillness—I breathe. And then, I notice. I notice what my eyes see. The trees, the sky, a bird. I notice what my ears hear—someone else stirring in the house, a bird song, the wind. I see what I smell—coffee from downstairs, an undetectable sweetness in the air; oops, did I just fart? I notice. I might consciously go from eyes to ears to nose. I might let the process happen naturally. Allow what draws my attention to draw it. I sit. I stay quiet. I stay still. I observe. I pay attention. When I'm done - five minutes, 10 minutes, 18 minutes, some days only 2 minutes - I go on about my day. 

But I keep this idea with me. So often during our day, there are moments when nothing is happening. We're waiting for something. One thing has finished, and the next thing hasn't started. What do you usually do? I know what I used to do every time. Pull out my phone, look at it, read a text, send a text, watch a video, or play a game. When I find those moments of stillness during the day, I take another moment for attention meditation. I get quiet. I observe. I lengthen my breath. And I find these little mini-breaks during the day help me stay relaxed. Help me to remain kind towards myself – and others. It allows me to keep calm. 

I'm not always great at falling asleep or staying asleep. However, I learned this technique in an acting class when I was a teen and never forgot it. I was taught it again in my yoga training. It's a good one—a Body Scan.  

Sit or lie down comfortably. You may want to close your eyes here, particularly if you invite yourself to sleep. If you prefer, you can keep your eyes open. Perhaps you soften your gaze and look down towards your nose. 

You will start with your feet and move muscle by muscle up your body to your head. This is a beautiful way to be nice to yourself and love your body, even if you sometimes don't. Start with your feet. Tense the muscles and release. I like to breathe in and imagine I'm breathing air into that area. Move up to your calves. Tighten and release. Keep going up your leg. See if you can tighten just your quadriceps—the muscles between your knee and your hip on the front. And then your hamstrings. The muscles down the back of your leg from your buttocks to below your knee.  See if you can tighten your hamstrings and release them. If it is hard to isolate, tense the whole leg and release. Keep going up to your hip area. Can you squeeze like you have to pee and release? Tighten your gluts, and release. Keep going to your belly. See again if you can tighten your stomach and release, then tighten your lower back and release. If hard to separate, tighten all together. Tighten your chest and release. Your upper back and release. Your shoulders and release. Your arms and ease. Your neck and release. Some of these locations may be where you are tight all day long. It's nice to take a moment and try to release. Squeeze your face together and release. Tighten your skull muscles and release. Tighten everything in your whole body and relax. Do those three times. Maybe now you can start to fall asleep. Slow breathing with a longer exhale helps too. 

If I get upset, I try to bring my attention to my breath. I suffered from anxiety attacks for many years, so I learned that when I am upset, my breath gets short. My body tenses into fight or flight mode. When this happens, I invite my breath to lengthen. Maybe I shut my eyes; perhaps I don't, depending on where I am. That part doesn't matter. What matters is allowing my breath to slow down. I like to breathe slower and deeper too. I invite my belly to fill with air and pull my belly in on the exhale. If I make the inhalation longer than the exhalation, that tends to be energizing. If I make the exhalation longer than the inhalation, that tends to be relaxing. Play with it. See what works for you.

It is all about what works for you. I'm making suggestions from my experiences. Experiment. Be kind to yourself. 

Another tool is to use a mantra. You may have heard of this. The idea is to repeat a phrase in your mind, like Om Shanti Shanti Shanti. It can be any phrase. When I was around 12 or 13, I don't remember precisely. It was around when my birth father stopped seeing me. I used to sit by myself in this beech tree. It was a tree I could climb up pretty quickly. And it had branches that spread out, making a seat in the middle. I loved this tree and spent hours there alone. During this time, I had maybe learned about mantras and meditation but didn't know much about them. I somehow, and I don't to this day know why, made up a mantra. I think I may have even sung it aloud quietly in the tree, but I put together some sounds, not words, just random sounds, and I made a mantra. And somehow, I've never forgotten it. I may not have thought of it in many years, but when I think of it, I know it. I encourage you to make up your mantra, maybe. Think of sounds or letters you like. You can perhaps say to yourself, okay, z, r, o, and think of a mantra with those letters. You might take a favorite phrase from a song and use that. You might know a prayer you like. Consider making yourself your mantra. I've shared mine selectively with close friends, but, mainly, it's mine. 

One last idea before I close, it is calming to think pleasant thoughts. This is called a Loving Kindness Meditation.

Sit and find your breath as in Awareness Meditation. Bring your mind to the people you love. Think of someone in particular. Repeat the following phrases in your mind:

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you live with ease.

You can come up with your positive wishes. Think of other people to whom you wish to wish well. You might also think of someone in your life who is challenging or with whom you have negative feelings and hope that person is well.

I wish these same things to you on your journey. Try some of these ideas. Go with what feels best to you. You likely will come up with ideas of your own. Then, reach out if you would like to learn more.